My Week Of Uncertainty

It has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote anything in this space - and what a couple of weeks it has been...  Apart from the total confusion and uncertainty that I think all of us have experienced, I have personally experienced a range of emotions, unlike any I have felt before. What does the expat community make of everything that is happening in our adoptive home?

What stands out for me, beyond the material impact of profound crisis, is the intensity of what I have been feeling for the past 10 days. I was raised in Canada, a place where crisis seems impossible, where the system is never far from 'perfect', where 'intense emotionality' reads as cursing under your breath when someone breaks the speed limit.

So to live in Greece during the past weeks has been nothing short of jaw-dropping for me. There have been moments where I just sit motionless, unable to think clearly or act. Like, how is this all possibly happening? What's coming next...?

I learned early on that intensity of emotion was a basic part of life in Greece - from screaming matches with taxi drivers who cut you off to the daily screaming matches on television news to the life-ending reactions when January temperatures hit 0 degrees. Greece is not a land of subtle response. But until the events of the past week, I've experienced this mostly as an observer.

This week... I've felt sad, frustrated, shocked, angry, afraid, tired, confused, ashamed, panicked - intensely so, and often all at once. I am completely emotionally drained. Writing this, all I want to do is sleep. Reading the wide variety of (mis)information and opinions from various news sources and social media - including those of people who have never set foot in this country, and those of people who have never set foot outside this country - made all the above much (much) worse. And this from a guy who has the luxurious option of hopping on a plane and going back 'home' at any moment. I worry deeply about the societal costs of all this 'crisis', the impact on the nervous system of a nation and a culture...

I'm not sure where all this will lead - nor even where I think it should lead. Maybe everything gets somehow fixed next week; maybe we all wake up back in Kansas; maybe 'it gets better', as the saying goes... And maybe it doesn't.

There has been an eerie calm around town the last few days, like we are collectively holding our breath waiting for the next act to begin. If I am the example, then we are simply drained and have used up our reserves of 'intensity'... Who would have thought that possible in this country? Maybe we are just resigned to accept whatever happens next, too exhausted to do anything else...

While I waited in the ATM line to get my €50 early this morning, I recalled some of the reasons I moved here in the first place: to feel the sun on my skin, to dive into the sea as often as possible, to soak in the beauty of the land, to be part of a unique and ancient culture, to experience life more fully, to feel intensely. Κουράγιο...

Until next week,

Jack